An interesting conversation came up between E & I the other day. A conversation about having another baby. He admitted that he's been thinking about it a lot but that he's struggling. It was nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling with that issue. This is going to get kind of personal in an emotional sense, not a physical one so hold on tight with me here. I really struggle when I think about G being an only child. I'm not an only child and I was raised in a very big extended family but we don't live by family so G doesn't get to have that. My brothers and sister are a part of almost every memory and they have been who I have turned to during different points in the last 2.5 years since we lost our dad (and in some ways our mom). Knowing that E isn't likely to be around when G is 30+ years old (it's just math and common sense, not morbid) makes me wonder how much harder it will be for G to not have a sibling to share memories with, to turn to in a time of need, etc.
And I also get selfish and consider the fact that once G finds the love of his life he'll be gone and he won't "need" his momma anymore. Yes, I understand he'll still always need his momma but not in the same way. And I am scared of being old and alone, I won't lie. Sure I might be blessed with grandkids but having only one child (and, yes, I'll say it...a boy for that matter) only means one daughter-in-law to love as my own way down the road. I don't really know how to explain it but I worry about how my relationship with G is going to change. Moms and their grown sons aren't even remotely as close as moms and their grown daughters. I've been paying attention and it holds true for every mother/son relationship I've seen. I'm not saying that I specifically want a daughter though.
Back to where I started, the topic came up thanks to a grouse. Ha! The grouse has a little flourish of red over his eyes (spruce grouse I think E told me) and E called it scarlet. "Scarlett is a great name for a little girl, hm, Scarlett Elizabeth, I like that." And E said, "Ooh, I really like that!" And so began the conversation. He told me that these are the points that he's stuck on.
Pros:
1. He doesn't want to hold me back from what I want and he knows I want another child.
2. He doesn't like the idea of G being an only child for a lot of reasons.
Cons:
1. He is afraid to play the odds again and possibly have an OI baby this time.
2. Because of his age he doesn't know if he can do "this" (meaning this bratty 2-3 year old stage) again.
His fears are wholly valid, we really lucked out with G and the OI issue. But at the same time, if my parents had been "afraid" in this way, I wouldn't be here. And then there's the fact that every parent should be so lucky to have an OI kid (in my humble opinion). It's daunting to think about your child getting hurt and breaking bones, of them having to go in for rodding or an IV infusion treatment, etc. Or of course all the little side conditions that OI typically doles out (such as my RA, my brothers profound hearing loss, etc.). But that fear is based on an IF and not fact. So do we play the OI lotto again and possibly come out on top with another OI-less baby?
I completely understand the fear of doing the bratty 2-3 year old stage again. G is a handful and then some. I'm only 33 years old and I feel too old to be trying to keep up with a "busy" kid. I have patience but only so much of it and E, I think most times, has less patience than I do! I have many a day where I am glad that there's only one child to "deal" with at these particularly rough parts of parenting. But then again we're talking about two years (tops, let's hope) of the brattiness out of 18 years of their life - so 1/9th seems like a drop in the bucket when you think about it.
His reasons for wanting another child are good ones too. He is right, I want another one. Something inside my heart just plain aches to get to be the momma to another kid. If I didn't know better I could swear that I hear the voice of a little angel saying, "Just once more, for me, please?" It really is something that I struggle with every day because I'm not getting any younger and neither is E.
And as for G having a sibling, I've done a lot of talking with adults who were only children and every one of them tells me, "I always wished for a brother or sister." I'm not biased, I have talked with plenty of parents who are one and done as well and they all have their reasoning for believing that it is just fine to only have one child. Mostly the one and done parents base their stance on money, which I never want to do because having a child should not be based on money (I'm speaking in the non-sensible way because yes children are expensive but why would a person say, "Do I want to buy a boat or have another kid?"). Children are priceless and money is not, simply put. Or they tell me that having only one meant that they could pour their love and attention onto their one child. But what if I feel like I have enough love and attention for two children?
G loves other children so, so much and he loves having playmates. I feel like we'd be doing him a disservice by not giving him a brother and sister to love and play with and grow up with.
But there is also the slight issue of the fact that E and I can't have a baby like normal people, we have to have help and that costs money. Again, in my mind money and babies aren't mutually exclusive and I push for them to be quite the opposite but it is what it is. We have to pay to get pregnant. Then nine months or so later comes a c-section and hospital bill. With G we had double coverage so his birth basically didn't cost us a thing. That won't be the case this second time around.
Now I understand by the phrase, "The clock is ticking." Not so much for me but because it's only going to be harder the older that E gets. But here's the thing, I'm on board and there's no question about that. I was pleased and surprised to find that E was even giving it some thought much less considering it.
Do I dare to get my hopes up and then have my heart broken? Or do I just dismiss the whole idea and learn to deal with the fact that I only get to be the momma to one child? I have a lot of proof that I make a pretty awesome kid, in case anyone wondered...
