==========I read How to Unspoil Your Child Fast because it was an Amazon freebie that I picked up about six months ago. You don't have to read all of this, but these are the highlights from the book that I wanted to make sure that I kept to review and share with the other half of my parenting team.==========
A child learns gratitude by not getting everything she wants. A child learns patience by waiting. A child learns generosity by sharing and giving. A child learns self-control by having to control herself. And above all, she learns contentment by not being trained to always need more and faster.
==========This is the statement that drew me to reading this book. I see very little gratitude in G and what gratitude I do see, I see fleetingly. He gets something new and worships it for a little while and then he's ready for something else new. How did that happen? I express gratitude daily for things like the food we eat, the place we live, heck even for G himself. He doesn't have a problem with sharing but that's because he's never had to share, being an only child. And self-control is becoming more and more of an issue. The contentment...well that's hard for any child but this is something huge for me to address. We live in such an instant gratification society that I'm afraid I'm teaching G that it's normal to get what we want right when we want it. So in the spirit of the book I'm trying to make some big changes to improve G's attitude/behavior. It's If G is spoiled in the traditional sense, it is because we spoil him. It's more of a retraining for me to make him work for things, to earn things.==========
it will be your actions—not your words—that do the talking and heavy lifting.
==========I need to stop relying on my words and start putting things into action.==========
you need to talk softly and carry a big shtick. By shtick, I mean a really good trick up your sleeve, a big deed that, better than any speech or threat, will show your child you mean it, that the party’s over.
==========I have plenty of shtick but not many tricks. Right now the trick to showing G that I mean it and that the party is over is yelling. I hate having to yell and all I've done is teach him that I don't really mean what I say until I start yelling. Not cool. My dad was a yeller, but mostly because he couldn't chase us down and beat us.==========
Your grand gesture is going to be unexpected, uncharacteristic, noisy, in your child’s face, strong—and successful.
==========I decided to use my bread/cheese cutting board (small, handheld with a handle) as a paddle. It is unexpected as I swore I'd never use any kind of object to hit my child. It is uncharacteristic because I am not the kind of mother who others would think would hit her child. I don't like doing it, I really, really don't but guess what? It's been successful. It is noisy and I promise that I don't hit him in the fact. One quick swat on the fanny and I have his clear and undivided, obeying attention. I can't even begin to explain the internal struggle I've had in figuring out what the grand gesture thing would be...but I can explain how it's worked.==========
Ask your child to brush her teeth once at bedtime. Then forget it. Your child probably will go to bed not having brushed her teeth. The next day or two, calmly deny her sweets of any kind, whether with a meal or as a snack. Explain to your child that if she doesn’t brush her teeth, she can’t have sweets. Your child may scream that you never warned her. Calmly state that she knows all about toothbrushing and that you hope she makes a better decision next time.
==========Ah, making decisions. One of our biggest battles, every single day, is brushing teeth. There is no consequential link for not brushing teeth. G's not much of a sweets kid anyway. This one is hard for me because brushing his teeth is not something I'm willing to let slide. I fight that battle every day. It's a battle of wills because he doesn't fight with Daddy but he'll fight with me to the point that we're both almost crying. Easy solution? Have Daddy do teeth brushing time. Hard part is getting Daddy to do it consistently without me looking like the bad guy for both asking/reminding him to do it because G sees that Daddy doesn't want to do it either and he'll play off of that. All three of us know it has to be done but I'm the one who makes it a must do.==========
Remember—it will be your action, not your anger, that delivers the message. And whatever you do, do not back down.
==========I don't want G to see our anger so often but he is so frustrating. I want messages delivered and received in the spirit of communication, understanding on both sides. G has taken to saying to me, "Mommy you happy now?" That tells me that I'm angry too often. Actions speak louder than words...but when I'm yelling the words what is my message?==========
I owe it to you to be the best parent I can be, even when it’s hard and potentially embarrassing for me.
==========The crux of my problem. I will do almost anything I can to keep from being embarrassed. I apologize for G's bratty/disobedient behavior to other people. I bribe G to act appropriately because I absolutely dread being embarrassed.==========
Calm enabled her to think clearly, to maintain her position and perspective, and to remember why she’d done this in the first place. By staying calm, she helped to keep the tension and responsibility where it belonged—in the child.
==========Calm is not how I'd describe myself in public with G. If I appear that way, I'm a good actress. I'm always waiting for him to do something wrong that other people are going to see and that I'm going to be expected to act on accordingly. And I never feel like I have the right tools. But G's bad behavior is just that, his. If I make myself keep the responsibility on him then maybe I'll stop being excessively hard on myself and then able to remain calm. I constantly make excuses for why he acts out (and PLEASE keep in mind that what I'm talking about is normal, 3 year old behavior, not extreme or extremely bad behavior) like, "He missed his nap," or, "He's hungry," or, "He's bored." No more making excuses, he's being a brat, let's make that stop.==========
Strive to see tantrums as serving an important function for your child, allowing her to vent some frustration or anger or helping her to reset her emotional equilibrium. Neither punish nor criticize your child’s tantrums. Instead, work to accept and understand
==========Ah, age appropriate behavior and tantrums as a learning tool! G doesn't have all the words (even though his vocabulary is extensive) to express emotions so it makes sense that he'd express himself physically by throwing a tantrum.==========
Unlike the near-instant power of shock and awe, end stops require that you demonstrate your steadfastness over and over and over, and over again until your child no longer holds any doubt as to your conviction.
==========Consistency. Period. It's the main ingredient we're lacking in this parenting arsenal. We've known G need consistency since day #1. It's pure laziness that we don't do it. Sometimes I am just plain physically or emotionally fried and so when G does something that he wasn't allowed to do yesterday but I don't have the energy, I let it slide. No, no, no. Letting it slide even one time negates all the times beforehand that I've been steadfast. And it can't just be me. Parenting has to be a team effort and the yes's and the no's have to be the same for both of us and they're not. I don't care if G gets wet or dirty or if he is covered in mud, that's what being a kid is all about. I care if he tears up the seat of his pants sliding down the gravel pile. E will stop G from getting wet or dirty or covered in mud but he'll let him get covered in some kind of fluid that leaves permanent grease stains all over his clothing. I'm all for letting him be a kid as long as the activity isn't dangerous.==========
Practice telling your child your expectations and wishes in statements that declare rather than ask.
=========="We're going to go get groceries now and you need to be on your best behavior, okay buddy?" Uh, yeah that's not working out so well for us huh? It has now changed to, "Time to go get groceries, we've got a lot of them to get so you need to be patient and behave yourself." No okay, no buddy. I'm stating expectations, not asking. The delivery is what is different. No pet names to soften the blow of what I know he doesn't want to hear or what I know will cause conflict. I'll cause the conflict now, bring it on. Why? Because I'm not afraid of it. I take it as a learning opportunity.==========
Make a list of matters that, in your judgment, your child should have input on and those he should not.
==========Ooh, good idea. I think it's time that E and I do this. If for no reason other than we each know each other's parenting expectation. We can probably each come up with some, "There's no wiggle room on this," expectations and we can each probably compromise if we don't feel the same way as the other. For example, the tooth brushing. It's very important to me and there is no wiggle room, it has to be done. If E would adopt that philosophy then I'd be supported in this rule. E doesn't like it when G gets all of his toys out outside and he makes him put them away when he's done playing with them. I don't say much about what toys he gets out and I make him put them away before we go in the house. If I were to limit the amount of toys G has out at any given time then when he's outside with E, E won't have to battle with him and constantly remind him, G will just know that it's an expectation and act accordingly.==========
These parents indulge and give—things, attention, and affection—less out of unconscious resentment and more out of a conscious choice to nourish their children’s joy and spirit. They wish to foster in their children the capacities to want, ask, take, and enjoy from life in a way that they, the parents, never could.
==========EXACTLY. I had a good childhood, I don't have unconscious resentment that I didn't get whatever I wanted when I wanted it. My problem is that I love to get G things that I know he'll enjoy and make him happy. When he shows an interest in something (not necessarily a toy) I jump all over it and foster it even if that means buying things that add to that joy. It's not that I could never enjoy life in this way so much as I'm happy that I'm in a position to be able to do these things/buy these things for G. At first I thought, "What's wrong with that?" Now I see that G doesn't understand want versus need and that a person has to work for something. We did him that disservice.==========
parents have to distinguish between a want and a real need. Children may want a toy or candy very much. Toys and candy, however, are not needs. Children’s needs include things like love, stimulation, and care. Children also need things like limits, structure, and expectations.
==========G doesn't use the word, "NEED," he only ever uses the word, "WANT." There is no clear line to him what he needs versus what he wants. Heck, I'm 34 and I'm just now figuring out what he actually needs versus what I want for him.==========
Keep in mind that the child does not need a warning each time a parent is about to set a limit. That can backfire and teach a child mostly to be a last-minute reformer.
==========We have a raging last-minute reformer. I need to stop giving him warnings. It's like the counting to three thing. All that does is tell him that he doesn't need to do whatever it is he's being asked or told to do until I get closer to three. Now, with the paddle I don't have to say a warning, he sees me pick up the paddle and immediately stops what he's doing and starts what he's supposed to be doing. I do find myself saying, "This is your only warning," and I need to stop doing that. There are plenty of things that I shouldn't be reminding him (i.e. warning him) about because he knows, he just doesn't want to do it.==========
parenting should not be anything like salesmanship. Think of what’s involved when you buy a car, and ask yourself whether those are the principles on which you wish to build a relationship with the child you adore, want the best for, and aim to prepare well for life as an adult.
==========Maybe that's the problem, I'm goooooooooooooooooood at selling something (ideas mostly) that I want.==========
For some children, negotiations are the time when their parents most engage with them, and as we said before, children prefer bad attention to no attention—and negotiating requires a lot of attention.
==========That just makes me sad...that G would be misbehaving simply so he'd get a reaction out of us and we'd pay attention to him. We pay attention to him, a lot of it in fact. He has a momma who works from home just so she can be here 24/7. I very, very rarely negotiate but I've started to look at it with new eyes. I find myself saying, "I am not asking you, I am telling you."==========
spending less is not the silver bullet of unspoiling,
==========No kidding.==========
Giving children too much, today and tomorrow, can deprive them of more precious and profound gifts, such as patience, contentment, consideration, and other skills that help make for a rich, successful, and fulfilled existence.
==========See what we're doing to him? Patience he's lacking but I think that's more a 3 year old boy thing than a spoiled thing. I know I've purchased things for him to keep him content even though it only lasts for a little while. It's a false contentment.==========
Think quality, not quantity.
==========Quality parenting, not quantity parenting.==========
reserve praise for worthy achievement, most of all for achievement that requires effort.
==========GAH! One of my biggest pet peeves is the celebration of mediocrity. This graduating from preschool to kindergarten, kindergarten graduation, middle school graduation, etc. STOP IT! These are natural progressions in life and they diminish the impact of big accomplishments. There is a huge shift going from high school to the adult world...that should be celebrated. I have worked to stop saying, "Great job eating your dinner!" and now try to say something like, "That was a good dinner, you ate it all!" I save praise for things like coloring inside the lines, making a hard choice (mostly not to do something wrong), trying to draw a letter, etc., the things that takes actual effort on his part.==========
reward the effort, the attempt, and the trying, and not the mundane, the routine, and the obvious.
==========It's like learning how to speak a new language for me. "I know how hard it is to make yourself sit still for that whole time, thank you," versus, "You did such a great job sitting still for so long!"
Give acclaim for effort and attempts to do better. “I can see you’re trying very hard not to lose your temper.” If anything, this is what your child wants you to validate.
==========We talk a lot about decisions now. I busted G with his feet in the running washing machine yesterday. It is reasonable for me to be able to expect he knows not to do that so he got a swat and he was sent to his room for five minutes. He was upset but not because he got swat, I listened at his door and heard him say, "That was the wrong choice, that was a bad idea." Both E and I need to slow down and watch, notice what G is attempting and acknowledge that. We both suck at this.==========
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. —ABIGAIL VAN BUREN
==========He's almost 4, it's time for responsibility. We have a responsibility chart and he gets to pick one, then I pick one, then he picks one, etc.. Right now I'm rewarding the completion of responsibilities but that's mostly twofold. The first reason is to make responsibilities commonplace, expectations. I haven't done that specifically before now. The second is to teach him that good things come from doing what you're supposed to do. I won't reward responsibilities forever (like paying him for good grades, etc.) but I will discuss paying him an allowance that is appropriate when the time comes.==========
It’s actually a strong sense of competency that endows a child with hardy self-esteem. So how does a parent foster a child’s sense of competency? By creating opportunities for that child to face and master challenges.
==========If I never let him fall, how will he know he can get himself back up? How do I teach him what is appropriate to do/say in public if I never take him out in public? How will he learn how to handle conflict if I fight his battles for him? I'm pretty self-sufficient/competent. I only ask for help when I really need it. I want G to be like that. He used to be when he was younger and mobile but not verbal. This is one of those times that I wish my dad was alive because I'd ask him how you teach a kid that kind of competency. Just let them be kids and their environment/society will present the challenges?==========
Being engaged with a parent—working alongside a parent, for instance—can be a child’s greatest reward and motivator.
==========I don't know how any parent could not do this. Sure, there are times where I'm trying to let G help but I need to get something done now, not 20 minutes from now. But mostly it's to teach self-sufficiency and just to "be" with him. Every single day we have multiple opportunities to give this engagement to G, we need to be more mindful that we're taking the time to let him do it with us.==========
Encouraging and allowing a young child to work is a lot of work for the parent. You can probably vacuum much more quickly by yourself than while vacuuming alongside a kindergartner, however hard he might try. And you could wax and polish your car, perhaps, in less time than it will take your child to change into car-washing clothes. But what is your mission—productivity or teaching your child?
==========Sigh, we try but the older he gets the more we should be encouraging him to do. He's going to be four in just a few weeks, there is a lot of stuff that he's old enough to start doing too.==========
you must learn to unspoil in public if you are going to unspoil your child at all.
==========my.biggest.challenge. Seriously. It goes back to the embarrassment thing. Is it because we're not in public as often as most people? Is that where my fear comes from? In which case guess what we need to do? Be in public more. Present ourselves the challenge of having to parent/discipline in public. Ugh.==========
Let your child know what you will be doing, not in a threatening way, but in terms of information. “OK, we’re going to pick up some clothes from the dry cleaner.” Prepare your child briefly. “You might be bored. Do you want to bring a book or something?”
==========And again, it's an expectation, not a request. I know I like to know where I'm going and I like to know what's going on so I can prepare myself. Why shouldn't G be able to? There's no reason we can't give him this courtesy. If nothing else if he's going to throw a fit, we can get it out of the way first instead of anticipating it.==========
When you get to the dry cleaner, look at your child and, in a kindly but clear voice, let her know your expectations of her in the dry cleaner. Pay attention to your child while waiting in the dry cleaner. Engage him. “Is it hard waiting?” “Look at that sign, what do you think it is?” As you are leaving the store, let him know that you noticed his effort. “You really worked to be patient in there, didn’t you?” Remember, notice the process and effort more than you praise or reward the outcome.
==========ENGAGE HIM.==========
First, go slowly and build on each success.
==========I'm a snail. And the successes so far are spread out but we'll get there.==========
Second, go frequently. Instead of hours of errands, break them up into several trips. Going and returning home and getting in and out of the car is part of the solution.
==========Well this is a little unapplicable to us. You're not going to find me putting off something I can accomplish in town for another day just for the sake of breaking it up. I'm a get in, get as much done and get back out kinda gal. In fact, what we've been doing is making sure to add something into our stops in town that we know G will like, such as some park time or library time.==========
Third, do not bribe. Fourth, be patient and thoughtful. Your sole goal is to promote the next success. Five, and most important, engage your child in a relationship while you’re out in public.
==========DO NOT BRIBE. E and I both do this way too often. We are learning to state our expectation. When we go grocery shopping and we know it's going to be awhile, there is no more, "If you're good you can pick out a toy." Being good is an expectation. To bribe him otherwise only tells him, "Hey, if you be a brat they'll buy you a toy to shut you up." Nuh-uh, no more of that kind of crap. Duh, right? Usually two things coincide, we want to get G something (a toy that he likes, etc.) and we happen to be at the store so we use the toy as a reward for the good behavior. So this isn't G, again, this is us. This is where our responsibilities chart has come into play. We put the time frame ending around when we are going to go grocery shopping so that he can then pick out a toy...related to his performance of fulfilling responsibilities, not for the good behavior for right then during the shopping trip. This also helps me to show him the instant gratification thing because his responsibilities chart ends a few days before grocery day so he finishes his chart, but then has to wait a few days to go pick his toy. And after he picks out his toy I explain the expectation that if he doesn't behave himself then I will take the toy back and he will have lost all that time he put into fulfilling responsibilities.
GAH! This parenting thing is so hard!==========
Many parents today are equally tempted to indulge themselves as their children.
==========e.x.a.c.t.l.y.. We are all about instant gratification, that's why we're rocking credit card debt. When I'm bored I jump online and fart around to relieve my boredom. Not the most productive thing but I'm working on it.==========
Albert Schweitzer said it well. “Adults teach children in three important ways: The first is by example, the second is by example, the third is by example.”
==========I fear the example that we have both been for G. I NEED to stop and remember that he sees and hears everything we do and say. Period.==========
When they visit the school, parents cannot believe their eyes when they see toddlers picking up toys, rolling up mats, and maintaining cubbies and personal stuff all by themselves. “He’d never ever do that at home. He’d never do that for me,” parents say to the teachers. “He has no choice here. We expect it,” the teachers reply. “Expect it”—now there’s an idea.
==========EXPECTATIONS. Eating his food, brushing his teeth, putting on his clothes, picking up his toys, talking respectfully, keeping his hands to himself, not yelling and screaming to be heard, not waiting his turn, appropriate behavior, sitting still during church, etc.. ALL EXPECTATIONS and we have every right to expect them.==========
I suppose it is cute and adorable when a toddler washes her own hands or dresses herself or sits at the dinner table properly. But those actions mean a lot more than that. They are the beginning of a long process by which a child grows more capable and trusting of her powers and abilities. Believing in herself and assuming responsibility contribute to the child’s growing confidence and resilience. How can that be anything but good?
==========Didn't we already talk about self-confidence that a kid gains by being self-sufficient? I want a child that takes responsibility for his actions and choices. Kids these days (my generation included) have a habit of blaming other people when the choice/responsibility is squarely on his/her shoulders.==========
Spend some time figuring out ways that you can help your child do it on her own in a way that you can live with. It takes time, effort, and patience for parents to allow children to exercise their drive toward self-sufficiency,
==========Dude. I learned after getting married that even if it's not up to my standard that just at least it's getting done, ya know? When E cleans something that I typically clean I have to zip it and just be grateful that I didn't have to do it. The same goes for G. When he brushes his teeth I have to be happy that it's getting done, even if he didn't cover every teeny nook and cranny. That's why I got him a sonic care toothbrush. At least I know the sonic pulses are in there knocking stuff loose that he's not getting. Or when G picks up his room he's picking it up, even if he's not putting the train tracks in the train track bin, etc..==========
Tell your child “Work it out on your own.”
=========="You got yourself up there, you get yourself down." Oh the sense of pride it gives him when he works it out on his own. It's worth its weight in gold.==========
I have no problem with peacemaking and its etiquette, but that begs the more important task of helping children cope with feelings of being sorry and taking the proper action of remedy. We care about this because children can be spoiled in the sense of not having to bear and live by the norms that guide the rest of us in our interactions.
==========That is part of what I was worried about in the spoiling realm. G wasn't getting the opportunity to be sorry and he certainly wasn't looking to remedy anything because we weren't holding him accountable for his actions. We're getting there. Mostly right now it's a matter of being sorry for and remedying any ill wills towards me. He hits or does something like flip around on the couch and kick me in the face, accidentally but then he laughs and goes on about his merry way. Now that I'm targeting being respectful of people's personal space he realizes that if he hurts me he I don't like it and therefore he's sorry he's done it and he'll usually tell me he's sorry. Or being respectful in the way he talks to other people. He'll say something disrespectful and I'll call him on it and he'll apologize. The good thing is that if I say something in that same realm of disrespectful, he'll tell me. That's alright by me. It's a piece of conflict resolution and will help him to learn to stand up for himself, right?==========
Let children clean up their mess—and make their amends—as best as their abilities allow. Offer gently to help a child clean, assisting her rather than making her assist you.
==========Working on it! Both our immediate reactions are to get angry and then the situation has turned and G can't make amends because he's scared/sad or even angry himself because he's learned that anger is an acceptable response when it shouldn't be.==========
Mistakes, they learn, can be corrected.
==========Not only can they be corrected but that it's okay to make them and own them! Gah, I can think of several people that are adults who don't seem to grasp this!==========
when they say something mean to you in anger, let them take it back and say they didn’t mean it.
==========Sigh. I wish. This is a foreign abstract. But with more emotional intelligence he'll figure it out.==========
Acknowledge when you hurt your child’s feelings, and own up to it. Let your child see and hear you own and take responsibility for the hurts
==========Yep. Nothing says that just because you're the parent you can't say you're sorry when you're wrong.==========
There’s absolutely nothing more seductive in a relationship than blaming the other person. Remember, it usually takes two to spoil, just as it usually takes two to unspoil. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you are the good parent, the unspoiler and your partner is the bad parent, the spoiler.
==========How hard is it to blame the other person when you're not on the same team? If we get on the same side (i.e. us versus him?) I'll bet there is nowhere left to blame.==========
the parent who does the lion’s share of caretaking and nurturing is prone to indulge more, especially when worn out.
==========Not entirely true. I do the lions share of the caretaking and nurturing and I'm more the hardass. Mostly because I see the issue and want to change it. With the nature of E's career field he kind of ends up caretaking and nurturing the general public and when he gets home and it's G time, he's worn out. I don't blame him. But again, it comes back to not being lazy in parenting (i.e. doing what's hard even when we don't want to for whatever reason) and us being on the same parenting team.==========
Remember that spoiling can be a natural extension of loving and good parenting. True, you’d prefer your well-loved child to be less spoiled (and that’s why you’re reading this book).
==========We're not bad parents and G is not a bad kid but we need to make some changes so that we're all a little happier with every day things. We shouldn't be struggling this much in the being a kid/listening to parents/being parents realm and I feel like we are, that's why I read this book. Being a parent demands fluidity, the ability to be consistent but be able to adapt to the situations that come up. That's why I read this book (and because it was a Kindle freebie, truthfully), to see if it could offer me any new tools to better my parenting.==========
Indulgence is a long-term process full of thousands of moments.
==========Yeah, it is. Kid or adult alike.==========
Gratitude is when a memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. —LIONEL HAMPTON
==========Model gratitude just happens to be one of my motto's.==========
Parents love their children so much and give so much that there is almost nothing their children can do to show their gratitude. But that is in the world of feelings. There’s no reason that children should express that kind of thanks. Nor do they owe us anything. We had children. It is their growing up well that is our reward, just as it will be for them with their children.
==========Read through that one again, because it's really a very smart statement. G being who he is is what I get rewarded with. So if I have the tools to guide him to grow up/learn/evolve then he shouldn't have to thank me for them. In fact, just like I expect him to have good behavior, he should be able to expect me to teach him how to behave and model for him what good behavior is, right?==========
There’s nothing like not getting to make a person appreciate what they do get.
==========To be honest I can't remember how this excerpt applies in the book and why I highlighted it. Ha!==========
Should your child accept something with rudeness or clear disrespect, take it back. No apology or explanation needed,
==========And no warnings! EXPECT that the child should accept something without rudeness or clear disrespect. And don't threaten it unless you're prepared to do it. If G has picked out a toy and then later in the shopping trip he gets a talking to about sitting down in the cart he'll often take the toy and throw it and say, "I no want that." Okay bud, thanks for saving me $5 and back it goes. He doesn't get to take his statement back in this case because he needs to learn that there is a consequence to his action/statement."==========
Model the gratitude you want your children to show.
==========Didn't I just say that?"==========
Unspoiling is nothing more than the absence of spoiling. You didn’t have to go back and undo months or years of unspoiling. All you had to do was to stop your unspoiling from that day on.
==========I didn't think of that! I've drawn the line and we're not going back. I can't fix what's been done but I can say it won't be done anymore. I wonder, if we had another child, if we'd get it right the first time, ha!==========
They are always searching for the parenting they crave and need, parenting that sets limits and expectations and refuses to spoil them.
==========I'm pretty sure if you asked G, he'd tell you that he likes things just the way they are, spoiled and all and that there's nothing wrong. Why? Because it's easier to continue to do things the way we've been doing them than it is to work against what we have made commonplace. Change is hard but a lot of times (as in this case) necessary.==========
As Rudolf Dreikurs put it, “We cannot protect our children from life. Therefore, it is essential that we prepare them for it.”
==========We owe him no less than our best effort.==========
