I'll be back...

How in the world have I been "gone" for six months?

Holy crap.

I have good reasons.

A busy summer that began with a trip from hell.  No, really.  We had to find an "extra" $2500 just to GET HOME from our vacation thanks to issues with the truck and blown tires on the camp trailer. Then it was another $2000 to fix the other part of the problem.  We went to participate in and attend a friends wedding.  It ended up costing us more than our wedding.

We spent the end of summer under wildfire evacuations.  That's a fun time...said no one ever.  We came out of it unscathed but it just plained sucked.

I won't bore you with much more other than to tell you (and by you I mean the voices in my head) that my sister died.  She was the only person I know of that came here frequently and read what I would write.  In fact she'd send me messages telling me to blog so she'd have something to read.

And I have no motivation to write anything because losing one's sister is pretty shitty all the way around.

12 Years

You got someone here
Wants to make it alright
Someone who loves you
More than life right here

You got willing arms
That'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you on
Through the night right here

I know your heart
Can get all tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet

The weight of the world is on your shoulders

I know what you need, bring it on home to me

You know I know you
Like the back of my hand

But did you know I'm gonna do
All that I can right here?

I'm gonna lie with you
Till you fall asleep
When the morning comes
I'm still gonna be right here, oh yes I am

So take your worries
And just drop them at the door
Baby leave it all behind

When your long day is over

And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders
I know what you need, bring it on home to me

Baby let me be your safe harbor

Don't let the water come and carry you away

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders

I know what you need, bring it on home to me

Oh bring it on home
Yeah bring it on home to me
Home to me
Oh bring it on, bring it on
Home to me

You got someone here
Wants to make it alright
Someone who loves you
More than life right here

Read more: Little Big Town - Bring It On Home Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Spring IRI

IRI = State Reading Indicator.
G has to do it twice a year...fall and spring.
He did it a month ago.
Late 1st grade average should be about 50 wpm.
His average was 136 wpm.
It would have been higher but he would start reading and then stop to explain or elaborate on the story to make it more fun for the proctor.

He is his mother's son in sooooooooooo many ways.

Yet another great article

http://www.scarymommy.com/10-tips-for-staying-sane-and-not-raising-an-asshole/

I love this article.  Heck, I love almost any article that combines parenting and swear words and is actually sensical.  It makes me feel like I'm a normal person.  Well, sort of normal.  I especially love #2 though.  I know I overshare on Facebook.  I'm not one of those parents that only posts about the good things my child does/says.  I post when he's a shit too.

2. Stop comparing and understand that Facebook is a load of crap. We are not all perfect families, although we play one on Facebook.

We are all good at different things.

Some of us are good at organizing really cute birthday parties. Some of make incredible Halloween costumes or take amazing pictures or are great cooks or can decorate a mean cake. Some of our kids are record-setting swimmers or awesome football players or talented musicians or leads in the play or on the honor roll every semester or whatever the top level is in Boy Scouts.

But all of us are also fucked up. We fight and we fail and we lie and we cheat and we hide and we do all sorts of shit that nobody sees.

Even those perfect Facebook families.

Especially those perfect Facebook families.

So don’t compare. You are doing the best you can.

And if you want to improve some aspect of yourself, do it for the personal satisfaction you will receive.

Not so you can post a picture of it on Facebook.

- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/10-tips-for-staying-sane-and-not-raising-an-asshole/#sthash.lWKbMW47.dpuf

Sorry G, it's true.  Kids are asses sometimes, and you're a kid.  But adults are asses even more times than kids so don't worry.

Hoppy Easter!

Friday evening the neighbors asked to have G come over and make some bunny cookies with them and dye some Easter eggs.  He spent the evening at their house and E and I spent the evening alone in our own home.  It was kind of strange but niiiiiiiiiiiice!

That night when we mentioned to G that he needed to go to bed at a reasonable time so we could get up early to attend an Easter egg hunt in town he lost his mind.  He started to cry and kept saying something about the other kids beating him up and that they were "griefers," and that they would follow us home and steal all stuff and kill him, etc.  Eep, what?!?  Well I know griefers have something to do with Minecraft but I don't know much more than that.  I found out from another mommy that a griefer is a player that breaks into other players mines, etc. and steals their stuff or destroys it, etc.  E tried to tell G that he would protect him but G was doubtful. 

When we got up the next morning G told us he wanted to go to, so off we went.  We went to a much smaller hunt than in years prior (well last years was very small) and I enjoyed the smaller crowd.  G was quite nervous/crabby but mostly it was because when we arrived we took the kindle away from him because he mistakenly thought he could do the Easter egg hunt and play Minecraft at the same time.  

I don't remember what I said but I got him out of his funk.  Like his sweater?  My aunt Linda (so G's great aunt) made it just for him.  He said, "That looks toasty warm, I'll wear it."  

I kept overhearing parents tell their children the same strategy.  Seriously, over and over they were each telling their children the same thing.  Skip over the first eggs and run to the back of the field.  All the other kids will stop to pick up the first eggs and you'll have all those eggs back there to yourself.

So I told G the same thing.  Not because it's a good strategy...but because I knew G would do the exact opposite of what I said.  And sure enough he did.  But he did it G style.  When he realized that everyone else had run right by the first eggs he started hollering at the other kids, "Hey guys, come back here, there's lots here!"

Nobody listened to him...so he had the pick of it all and the rest of the parents were just kind of laughing.  "Look at that guy, he's got the place all to himself!"

He was a little bit bummed that he didn't find any prize eggs but he said it was still fun to get to race.

The best part of the Easter Egg hunt, for me, was afterwards when we went to say hi to the Easter Bunny.  There was no.way.in.heck that G was going to go anywhere near the man in a giant bunny costume.  He was like a two year old again, hiding behind our legs and flat out refusing.  So no picture with the Easter Bunny this year.  

My lovely friend embroidered this basket for me.  Didn't she do great?  Of course last night is when G decided he needed to stay up late.  I was staying up just to put this out.  I had grander plans than this but, well, I fizzled out and went to bed instead.

I heard noise in the living room and then I heard the front door open.  I figured it was G up and he was letting the dogs out.  Sometimes he does that.  Nope, he had opened the front door to follow the trail of grass, walking right by his Easter basket on the table there.  He came running into our room screaming, "Mom, wake up!  Come see what the Easter Bunny brought me!"  I got up and followed him...out the front door.  Sure enough there was an Easter basket on the front walkway.  Our neighbors are so sweet to G!

I got the basket for him and we came back in...and I put it on the table right next to the invisible Easter basket.  Then G noticed it.  Check out his shoes ^^ in the picture.  He needed new Crocs for this summer (hideous yes but oh so easy to spray dog poop and mud, etc. off of) so I got him some and then found some Minecraft Jibbitz to decorate them.  

His basket was filled with all sorts of little fun things I've been collecting for awhile, like a Big Hero 6 wallet, those funky little plastic beads that you put on your bike tire spokes, some Minecraft figures, and of course candy.

The big hit, naturally, was the iFart shuffle.  Because what else screams Jesus has been resurected than a machine that makes varioud crude fart noises?  There's another guy that I know who wakes up in the morning, stretches, yawns, and farts so, really, it's like resurrection every morning for him, right?  Yes, I realize it's not the same, I'm just saying.  He loves that stupid thing.  It makes some truly disgusting noises.  What helps is that he insists on holdint it by his rear end and making faces to go mimic farting.

Oh yeah, I'm totally winning at this parenting gig.  

That's the basket he found on the front walkway.  "It's got a real pro ball soccer ball in it!"  It's not like the colored one I got him last year so it's much cooler.  What was cool was the finger soccer game also inside.  It has little plastic boots you put on your finger and then a little soccer ball and two "nets" and you just your booted finger to kick the ball.  I stink at it but it's pretty funny.

E actually got called out sometime in the middle of the night for a crash down the river.  So when he came home around 4:30 am he took some eggs outside and hid them.  That was sweet of him, I was going to forego that and tell G that the Easter bunny is a jerk.  So outside we go to hunt some eggs.

The first egg he found, well Gunner found it at the same time.  And we play a lot of hide and seek with Gunner so the poor dog thought it was more of that and he picked up that egg and took off.  G ran after him screaming and then he threw a little fit about how Gunner ruined Easter.  

"Quit being a drama queen and race faster than Gunner and find the eggs!"  Oh, okay, that works.

He saw this one.  And then he said, "Phew, I'm tired mom, I fink I will just stop here and take a quick rest.  And then you tell me No!  No!  G don't sit down there and I will act surprised and find that egg."

Um, okay, Director G.  So I did as instructed and of course it was followed by laughing, laughing, laughing.  Mostly him.  Because he's kind of strange.

"Oh whoops, I almost sat on dis egg!"

What's that yellow bag he's packing around with him, you might wonder?  Well it's his purse.  When he figured out that the Big Hero thing was a wallet he immediately said, "I'm gonna need a credit card."  Oh baby, you sure are not.  I gave him a $1 bill to put in his wallet.  So then he dug out this old Elmo purse he has (it had gardening tools in it at one time) and he said, "Look mom, we're twins, I have a purse now too.  And I will carry it with me everywhere just like you and I won't ever lose it!"  Aw, so sweet.  Too bad I just found it on the washing machine with no G in sight.    

Gunner was dying to help G in all ways.  He wanted a taste of egg so bad.  I remember last Easter he was only about six months old and he ate a couple of eggs then too.  And then barfed them up all over the porch.  Not this year.

I was so sad to not have an Easter service I really, really wanted to attend but maybe next year we'll be resettled in a place where I can actually attend and maybe participate?  I really and truly miss going to a nice Easter Sunrise service with my dad.  He only took those of us who would get up that early without a fight.  It was my goal every Easter to make sure I was in his group ;)

Lightning has been around for a lot of growth

Every spring it comes back out.  He barely fits in it this year but he doesn't care, it's still fun!  He can sit just in front of the spoiler, on the "trunk" and still run it.

I hate today.

Okay, Mother Nature, you're really funny.  The snow fell all day yesterday (April Fools).  It would snow like crazy, then the sun would come out and melt all the snow.  Then it would snow again, melt again, etc.

It snowed again last night/this morning.  I'm over the snow (even if this was a wimpy snow season for up here.  So when I woke up to this I might not have been in the best mood.  But the day quickly got crummier.

G and I dyed Easter eggs yesterday.  First thing this morning he wanted me to hide the eggs.  No, I have a doctors appointment I have to get to town for.  So while I was in the shower he helped himself to hiding the eggs...not just the hard boiled ones for Easter but the raw eggs too.  He said he was "training" for the Easter egg hunt we're planning to attend on Saturday.  The problem is two fold.  I don't know how many eggs there were...and he doesn't remember where he hid them all.  You've got to be kidding me.  But to compound the problem...yesterday we dyed the raw eggs too because, why not?  The dye was there and it'll be fun even after Easter when we go to use the eggs and they're all beautified.  E didn't think there was any big deal until I explained that we had dyed the raw eggs too and then he barked at me, "Oh for f*cking Christ's sake why the f*ck did you do that?"  Really?  Was that warranted?  G was standing between the two of us and so I had to somewhat carefully craft my response.  "Because it's fun."  I was raised to never use the Lord's name in vain.  Yes, I have a potty mouth but you'll never catch me using the Lord's name in vain.  I pretty much literally can't make the words come out of my mouth.  Read back, you'll see that I've never done it in this blog even.  G has been trying out the taste of "OMG," (except not just the letters, the actual exclamation) and I've been working to correct that.

I didn't have time to get into things with either of them because I had to get ready to go to town.  So E and G were searching for the missing eggs...which isn't easy to do when no one knows how many eggs there were.  I didn't count them yesterday, we just dyed the eggs that were in the fridge.  So I was trying to recall how many eggs we likely dyed by how many times I set the timer, by how many times each cup was used, etc.  So now I feel like a moron because I dyed some extra eggs for fun (how dare I?), I didn't count how many there were, I'm raising a child who listen/follow instructions, and a husband who uses language that he knows bothers me, especially when it's done in front of my kid.  Screw you both, I'm out of here for the day.

Because it had snowed no one could exceed 40 miles an hour on my way into town.  That just added to my irritation.

I did arrive in town early enough to stop at a drive-through coffee stand and decided I would splurge since I had left the house before I had any coffee this morning.  I ordered my drink and went to pull out the $8 cash I knew was in my wallet.  Except my wallet had no cash in it.  Great.  So I paid for my drink and left a $2.50 tip and drove off.  I had to give the coffee several minutes to cool off so I was a few miles down the road before taking a sip of what was in my cup.  I won't say a sip of the coffee because it didn't taste like coffee, it tasted like ass.  Or what I suspect ass tastes like.  I've had some sludge coffee in my lifetime but this was way worse than that.  So I spent $7 on coffee I wouldn't be drinking.  Oh and while I was driving off I noticed  my tire pressure warning light was on.

I got to the medical center and entered the parking garage.  I hate parking garages.  Hate, hate, hate them.  The only parking spot I could find was more than narrow.  The cars on either side had encroached into the open spot.  I had to do about a ten point turn to get into the spot and then barely open my door to get out.  Oh and I was a few minutes early so I cracked open my laptop to check on some work only to find that even though I plugged my laptop in last night, it didn't charge.  Awesome.

When I got to the floor my doctor's office is on I was informed that she was running behind.  Of course, because why not?  Once I got in with the doctor we were discussing one of my RA meds and since it's not working it's time to move to yet another new one.  I've now tried three out of five of the TNF options and so that category is out.  I've only tried one of the anti-TNF's so we're back to that category.  And it'll be once a week again instead of the lovely once a month I've been enjoying for the last six months.  Sigh.

I went to Costco to finish the grocery shopping that didn't get done two days ago when we were all in town because I forgot the grocery list.  Costco sucked, the checkout line alone took me more than 20 minutes to get through.  Walmart ticked me off because I wanted to pick up some of that fake grass crap that goes in Easter baskets and I couldn't even get into the seasonal aisles because they were packed with other last minute shoppers.  G loves Kit Kat but not many other candy so I went to see what Easter themed Kit Kat they had...and found that the ones in Easter packaging were $3.  Or I could buy a standard Kit Kat for $0.74.  Why?  Why do manufacturers do that to consumers?  And why do consumers put up with it?

By this time I'm hangry.  So, so hangry.  So I went to my favorite sushi place...only to find that it was closed.  Why?  Why I can't I just have wasabi?  I just want some wasabi!  So I grabbed a fish sandwich at Wendy's.  My last stop in town was Petco, I went in real quick to grab some frisbee's for Gunner and some aspirin for Siren.  In the medication aisle I ended up in a long and involved conversation with a nice man and about 25 minutes later I am at the checkout when I remember...my sandwich.  Mm, cold fish sandwich, who wouldn't love that?  Yeah, I ate it anyway.

I picked up prescriptions, hit the liquor store (because really, why not?), and got fuel and headed home.  I got home and carried all the groceries in myself because E & G were playing a video game.  I put all the groceries away myself.

The guys played outside for part of the day and they did get two Science, two History, and two Math lessons done while I was gone.  So I didn't have to worry about cramming school in on top of everything else and I was able to grab some work from the queue.      

After I settled down I showed Gunner the frisbees I picked up for him.  E and I worked with him for a few minutes and then took him outside.  E threw the frisbee for Gunner who looooooved jumping for it.  After a few rounds Gunner got his rhythm down and he was flying at those things.  He's such a smart boy.  He just kept going and going and going.

He put me in a better mood because all he wanted from me was a flick of the wrist to launch his new toy.

It's now 11:30 pm and I'm going to bed.  Because obviously I could use some sleep.  I hope I wake up in a better mood tomorrow because G and I only have a few lessons to do and we'll get to have Friday movie night if we get all our subjects to 77%.  Yep, we're 3/4 of the way done with the school year.  Thank goodness!

Me & the Boof

Oh what a difference 6 years makes!  Time flies when you're having fun and when you're the parent of a miracle.  He's everything I never knew I wanted in a son.

School-schmool

As G is reading me a story that coincides with his lesson in the long O sound he reads this.

And then says, "Oh, it must be Mr. Scott Pelley." I asked him, "Who?" "You know, Mr. Scott Pelley, with the CBS Evening News." 

Yeah, must be. A lot of evening news anchors make cameos in children's books on phonics. Good thinking, son.

Then later on the story comes this part...

Oh the fun we've had with Kim.  Out of the blue G will stop whatever he's doing and make this face, complete with the raised hands.  "Okay, Kim, I see you," I'll say and we'll both bust out laughing.

We may have a slight case of cabin fever...

Dear Dad,

It speaks louder!

There have been times in my life when I'm in the broken category...and in the great.  So I think it's just as important to pay attention to who walks with me during the broken times and who sits with me during the great times.  And as a parent it sends a gigantic lesson out to G to see me walk with the broken/love the unloved/help the helpless, etc.  

Don't be weird

A special Valentine

I was blown away when on Valentines Day morning G reached between the cushions on the couch, pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to his dad, telling him, "I made you a Balentine daddy."  He really had, completely on his own and without one bit of help from me.  Well I guess I unknowingly helped, I had folded some paper into card form for use on something else and he pilfered one and made his dad a Valentine.

I saw a little mist in E's eyes.  And I had it too.  

G drew pink hearts and the stick figures are him and his dad holding hands.  I could die from the cuteness!  

He wrote, "I love you."  Did you read that?  He did it all by himself.  That's what makes it even cooler.  

I put out a request for other kids to send G a Valentine like he would get in a regular classroom.  We ended up getting to do almost 50 Valentines.  He didn't get more than 20 in return but he ooh'd and aah'd over every one he received.  Some people even sent little gifts like tattoos or stickers, pencils, etc.  He wrote his out all on his own which is so hard for him since handwriting isn't his strength and we made some homemade ones since we ran out!  I was pretty proud of him for wanting to give some love to kids he hadn't even met.  It was nice to see such a sweet side of him!  

Happy Birthday, Siren!

When she was diagnosed with cancer back in November I thought, "I just hope we get to keep her until the new year."  When the new year came and went I thought, "I hope she makes it to her 11th birthday."  Well that's today and she's made it!

Two days ago she was trying to follow us as we were leaving the yard to go snowshoeing in the woods behind the house.  The snow was wet and heavy since it was bright and warm day.  I had to turn around and go back in the house to replace my camera battery and when I came back outside she was just laying in the yard on her side.  I yelled her name and she didn't move.  I yelled to E who had started down the trail (she was following him) and he came back to her.  We converged on her at the same time and she was lifeless.  I couldn't tell if she had broken her leg (i.e. it sunk in the snow and she lurched forward, totally plausible) but when I got to her it didn't look like she was breathing.  

We crouched around her and petted her and said sweet things to her.  It was much more calm than I thought we'd be.  Even G was sweet and was petting her lovingly and trying to speak quietly but asking a lot of questions.  Then she vacated her bowels and peed and I thought, "Okay, this is where it ends."  Then a minute later her eyes snapped open and she lifted her head up.  We had her lay still for another minute or so and then she wanted to get up so we helped her up.  She was shaky at first but she walked back to the sidewalk and out of the snow and her rump was wiggling it's happy wiggle.  So we made sure she was okay and then we left her and Gunner at home while we went out on the snowshoes.  She was just fine when we came back.

It was an eye opener for me though.  It's the first sign I've really had that the cancer is doing something.  I'm guessing it might have been a heart attack because trudging through snow certainly gets my heart rate elevated and that tumor in her chest is probably putting some pressure on her heart and lungs.  It could have been a seizure but there were no tremors, violent or otherwise.  I don't know but it was a reminder that our time with her is limited.

So when G woke up this morning I reminded him that today was a special day and he immediately said, "Oh it's the 10th!  It's Siren's birthday!"  Yessir, it is!  "We better make a doggy cake."  So we did, but cupcakes so she couldn't eat it all at once and so Gunner could have some too.  So doggy cupcakes it is!  Here's the recipe I used:

Peanut Butter & Pumpkin Cake

Ingredients:
1 cup flour
1tsp baking soda
1/4 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 tsp. vanilla
1/3 cup honey
1 egg

Directions: Mix flour and baking soda. Add remaining ingredients. Pour into greased 8" round cake pan and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Let cool.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lectersmeal/5464855239/

We went ahead and added a banana as well because she loves bananas.  It didn't help the taste for us humans (it wasn't ew gross, just kinda blech) but we weren't planning on eating them anyway.  

A birthday "cake" must have candles of course, even when it's for a dog!

The look on her face is priceless.  "OMG why would you give him fire and then tell him to stick it in my face?  Do you hate me?  I am dying of cancer here, lady, please don't burn my body until after I die!"

The cupcakes were Gunner approved too, naturally.  

I couldn't exactly screw them up, they both eat poo for goodness sake so their tastebuds aren't terribly discriminating.