Aw, Sean :(

Someone I used to work with, way back in my ISP days retired earlier than he would have liked to as his health declined thanks to Parkinson's Disease. He was a rather magnanimous man with a big presence and a garrulous nature. And a lot of pride.  He committed suicide. He was in his 50's, too young to die.  He leaves behind his wife of 20+ years and two daughters who were very close to their dad. I know that relationship well and I feel for his girls. The daughters have three kids between them and those kids now won't get to grow up with their grandpa around. I have always known/felt that suicide is such a selfish act.

But this is the first person I've known who was "normal" and still committed suicide. Was he without flaw? Nope. Was he mentally stable? Obviously not as much I thought he was. And his suicide "makes sense" in that it can be justified. Well to me, probably not to those closer to him. I mean that I can "understand" on some level why he felt that this was the answer. I wouldn't want to lose my dignity, I wouldn't want people to see me at less than my best (what they've known) as I'm being riddled by disease. I wouldn't want to burden my family. I wouldn't want any of that kind of life. But I also wouldn't want to leave my family without me, wondering what had been going through my head and why I didn't trust them to continue to love me. I wouldn't want to have left things unsaid or undone. I wouldn't want to hurt the people I love on that kind of level.

So dear Sean, wherever your soul lies I hope you're at peace.

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.

Jane Austen

When you have a minute you can read this (http://eatthinkbemerry.com/2014/06/a-perspective-on-suicide/) article.  Though the main idea in it is what I'm sharing because it gave me a profound understanding, "Suicide was not a choice he made, but rather a choice he happened onto when his pain was greater than his ability to cope.”

Wow...I love this.

The fact that he's LDS notwithstanding, this is some really cool advice.  I love the platinum rule, it plays off of my whole love languages lecture.  And the 15 second kiss?  I can totally see how that would work just as he describes it.  I can't remember E ever actually planning a date night so that one is a stretch here.  And the last one, well we've never tried to change each other but he's 58 years old too so trust me, he has no intention of changing anyway.  I wonder if I can get E to actually read this, I posted it on his Facebook so maybe he will?

http://www.gregtrimble.com/4-guaranteed-ways-to-make-your-marriage-rock/

4 Guaranteed Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock!

APRIL 11, 2014 BY GREG TRIMBLE

The divorce rate is going up and the amount of people getting married is going down. What a tragedy! So many people are missing out on what can be the most exciting reasons for living. When a husband and a wife realize just how awesome their relationship can be, they will take the steps to make it into the fairytale they always dreamed of. Instead sitting around your house going through the motions and wasting precious time bickering about insignificant things, take the next 3 minutes of your life and read about 4 surefire ways to make your marriage rock!

1. The “15 Second Kiss”

I read about this from a really cool marriage blog that I’ll share right here. Let me give you the jist and tell you how it works for me. The story in the blog talked about an old couple that had a long and successful marriage. The blogger asked the old man what the key to their marital success was. The man summed it up in one small sentence; “The 15 Second Kiss”.

Think about it. If you commit yourselves to kissing your spouse for 15 seconds straight every day, it will have to mean something. No more going through the motions with a quick kiss goodbye or goodnight. No…this is a serious kiss…and 15 seconds is just long enough to make you mean it. That kiss…that one kiss everyday will change everything. It will be impossible for you not to feel closer…and it will no doubt conjure up memories of when and why you fell in love with this person.

No matter how bad your day was or how mad you might be at your spouse, if you will walk through that door and beeline it straight into a nice smushy kiss, by second 10… you’ll forget all about what you were mad at and all of the sudden a minute goes by in a blink. Who know’s where that will lead…but one thing is certain; you will be closer because of it!

2. Use the “Platinum Rule” Instead of the Golden Rule

Isn’t the golden rule the end all be all of having a great relationship? I thought so…until I heard of the “platinum rule”. Credit goes to a guy named Steve Beaulieu. I’m not sure if he made it up, but he’s where I first heard it. He talked about his own marriage and how “treating others how you want to be treated” isn’t always the best thing. Two spouses that grew up in totally different atmospheres may have totally different ideas of the right way to be treated. You may be really vocal in praising your wife and naturally think your doing her a great service. Have you considered that maybe that is not what satisfies her? You say all of those things to her because that is how you’d like to be treated. You want her to praise you and vocally reinforce her love for you. That is how YOU want to be treated. But maybe less words and more actions is what makes her happy.

The “Platinum Rule” turns the “Golden Rule” on it’s head and does it one better. Don’t focus on how you would like to be treated, but tune in to how she would like to be treated. If both parties apply the Platinum Rule, both parties will be treated how they would like to be treated and both of you become happier.

3. Fantasy Date Once a Month

Put down your fantasy football and fantasy baseball for just one second and figure out how to go on a fantasy date at least once a month. You don’t need to be rich to do this…you just need to be creative.

Every month, one of you should plan a fantasy date night. The person planning it should plan something that they want to do with no consideration for the other person. (I know this sounds counterintuitive…but just try it) If I want to go to a baseball game and then to get ice cream sandwiches after the game, it is my month. I get to do what I want. Kristyn can get me back next month when she plans an exciting night at the ballet or opera. The point of this exercise is two fold. First it eliminates the “what do you wanna do? No what do you wanna do?” saga… and second, because there is an understanding of the arrangement, it forces you to get interested in what the other person likes to do most. Because both of you are aware and you’ve accepted the arrangement, your perspective changes on the events that take place during that person’s fantasy date night and you just might start to enjoy some of the things your spouse enjoys.

4. Don’t try to change the other person.

We spend our lives trying to get everyone else to think and act like we do. We want to mold everyone to our way of thinking…and who do you think gets the brunt of that natural tendency. Ya…you got it. Your spouse. You are individuals and should be free to enjoy all of the things you enjoy. Some spouses get ultra controlling and give new meaning to the phrase “ball and chain”. The more supportive you are of the things that the other person likes to do, the more your spouse is going to want to be around you. Never discourage each other from pursuing each other’s passions. To do so is to engender a feeling of spite and that is a horrible thing to have in a relationship.

Here’s a hypothetical. Jeff loves Monday night football but Molly hates Monday night football. Instead of Molly bagging on Jeff and beating him up for it every time Monday night rolls around, Molly says…”Hey Jeff, Monday night football stinks…but that’s ok. Tell your buddies to come over and I’ll cook you guys some dinner.” Jeff can’t believe how cool of a wife he has and Jeff’s friends are jealous beyond belief.

Now the tables are turned… and this Friday, Molly wants to have a Pride and Prejudice marathon. That’s right guys… 6 plus hours of your worst nightmare. So Jeff…being the smart dude that he is…recognized Molly’s effort on Monday…and says, “Molly…that’s great! I’ll pick up some take out and we’ll have a marathon on Friday night.” Molly is blown away by Jeff and all of the sudden Mr. Darcy doesn’t have anything on Jeff. Jeff starts to like Pride and Prejudice because now he’s racking up the “15 second kisses”.

If you apply these 4 principles to your marriage, you will be taken to a world that few have ever gone to. Don’t waste anymore time!

Easter 2014

Last night while I was outside in the dark hiding eggs Gunner managed to sneak away with and eat two eggs. And then he was kind enough to puke it all up on the front porch. I was half tempted to leave it there and tell G that our eggs poisoned the Easter Bunny. It's a stupid tradition for a very meaningful holiday anyway.  After coming back inside I started to hear wind and little raindrops hitting the metal roof.  Friggin' great, a rain storm AFTER I'd put out the eggs.  I'm so glad that for once I was not rushing to do it in the morning before he got up...and it rained.

They were so sweet and waited for me to get up before they went out.  It must have been killing them to let me sleep!

He inspected each egg to make sure they had candy worth hunting for.  Oy.  Good thing this momma knows he only really likes M&M's and Nestle Crunch.  So that's all I got.

Sometimes I feel bad that he has Easter morning hunts alone.  But he doesn't seem to mind.  Gunner was a great help to him this year and I think he likes not having competition.  Poor G really has no idea of what competition really is except that in a game there is a winner and a loser and that's okay.

Daddy cheated and pointed that one out to G who walked riiiiiiiiight by it.

This right here^^ well that's him posing nicely as I asked him to.  He's got ants in his pants he told me and he was doing a little boogie dance.  Because he's G.

I asked him if he was having fun.  This is his, "This is just a teeny bit of lots of fun mommy," face.

They missed all these on their first trip down the sidewalk.

He was excited because that egg had his name written on it.  Nevermind that he's the one that wrote his name on it the day before at the Easter egg hunt.  Yeah, I pretend the stupid bunny hid the eggs we make.

I think this is my new favorite picture of the two of them.  Like G's outfit?  Yep, pj's, snowboots and a too small sweatshirt.  E had paperwork to do so he stayed home long enough to hunt with G.  Sometimes his job doesn't impede our family time, sometimes it actually works out in our favor.  But that's a rarity we'll be thankful for!

His two front top teeth are loose!

He came in the house and walked right by the cool Star Wars themed Easter basket that was on the table for him.  I had to sit by it and then ask him to come and talk to me.  This ^^ and the picture below this are him saying, "Wait, what is that?"  Ha.

SInce I struggle with the whole Easter bunny thing his basket covered both bases, my Christian push on the "holy-day," and the stupid bunny thing.  He had a chocolate bunny and a chocolate cross.  He had a book about the crucifixion (I should have read it before purchasing it, it was more of a baby book than one to help him understand but it was cute) and Easter bunny bubbles.  Instead of eggs filled with candy he had R2D2 and Darth Vader "eggs" filled with candy.  He was a happy, happy boy.

G, after discovering his Easter basket full of goodies and diving in said, "Thank you, Easter Bunny, wherever you are. This is one of the best days EVER!"

I said, "You're welcome."

He said, "Uh, I'm talkin' to the Easter Bunny here mom."
I said, "I know."
He said, "Thanks, Easter Bunny! I love you!"
I said, "You're welcome."
He said, "Stop being ridiculous."

*Sigh*

And again the make believe character gets all the credit and gratitude and love. I hate commercialized holidays.

 

Later in the day he came up to me and said, "Take my picture like this so I can see if I'm goofy."  Dude, you don't need a picture to verify that, you come from some goofy stock!

It's time for some egg-citement!

The Lodge put on it's first annual Easter Egg Hunt!  Woot!  G was so excited.  I was going to take him into town for the one at the University but this worked out so much better.  First off all there weren't thousands of people at this one.  Secondly it's only minutes from home instead of an hour+.  

They had tables set up out front of the Lodge for the kids to decorate eggs.  G enjoyed that for about five minutes.  Then he just wanted to play.  Thankfully the other little boy that lives up here that we haven't gotten to see nearly enough of was there too and he wasn't really big on egg decorating either so they played.

And played.

And played.

The Easter Bunny was busy in the back of the Lodge "hiding" eggs.  They brought the kids through the dining room and out back.  Then released the beasts.

G tripped and spilled his bucket o' eggs.  Kaden was such a doll and he stopped and helped pick up his spilled eggs instead of continuing to grab eggs of his own.  

Kaden is almost exactly a year younger than G.  They get along so well and we have lots of playtime scheduled for this summer!!!

They got to stay and play for well over an hour, probably closer to two.  G loved it but said he wished he'd gotten more eggs.  I reminded him that they were just filled with candy he doesn't like anyway and he was okay with not getting more then.  

Momma Guilt & Bee Exploration!

The other day as G and I were leaving town after a busy day of shopping and errands we went by a school.  There were children of all ages running around outside during what looked to be a recess.  He said, "Mommy is that a school?"  I said, "It sure is.  Those kids look like they're on recess."  And what he said next broke my heart into a million pieces and made me question everything I've done parenting wise up to this point.  "Mommy can I please go join in?"  Oh man.  Oh......man.  I felt like an asshole of a mother.  

I know that I can't exactly "help" where we live and the fact that he has to be homeschooled but I've long suspected that he'd do great with his peers around him.  Is he missing out on that much?  Tell me he's not because the alternative sucks big time.  I can justify NOT sending him to public school all day long but my heart tells me otherwise and I'm worried about the long term effects.  I know he'll come out of here okay but it breaks my heart just the same to know that he longs to be around other kids more.  

We do have some stuff planned for the summertime when our schedule is more open, including a sports camp at the YMCA and a basketball camp he has been asking to go to.  I know I'll figure out some more playdates once the weather warms up and the snow melts.  I can handle more than just G as long as I have the ability to take the crazies outside and let them be them together.  Being cooped up in the house because of snow is hard enough with just G but last night we had the two neighbor girls over and it was seriously like herding cats at a Cats With ADHD Rodeo.  Man oh dear.  

Then we have a day like yesterday when I know what we're choosing for him is awesome.  We decided to do some bee and hornet nest removal before the weather warms up anymore.  We took 24 nests off from around the eves and door of the big garage.  YIKES.  Well of course then we had to start inspecting them and discovering all we could.   

Here is our favorite part of it, seeing a fully developed and "hatching" hornet who can't sting us.  We inspected the crap outta this guy.

Who in the world let the 5 year old run the x-acto knife?  Oh yeah, that was me.  

We learned all about how to tell what a hornet's nest is and then we got to see how the inside of a hornet's nest is like a standard bee's nest.

This part is like paper, very lovely and delicate.  And I had no clue how they actually make it.  Thanks to Mr. Inquisitive I now do because I had to find out the answer for him.  The bees chew up wood fiber and mix it with their saliva to make this material.

Now either he was "hatched" breech or he went back for some more?  I don't know but he "died" doing it!  We were able to check out many dead bees and wasps (i.e. larva) that had been in various stages of development.  It's a crazy cool and efficient system they have in those nests!

Do they die with the season or do they hibernate?  We learned that only the fertilized queens hibernate, everybody else dies.  AND they don't reuse the nests, they build ones of their own.  Well that's true for hornets and honey bees.  Bumble bees live in a colony and they form a kind of cone around the queen during winter and they shiver to keep the interior temperature around the fertilized queen at about 80 degrees.  They stop flying when the temperature outside hits about 50 degrees.  So while they don't technically hibernate in the sense that they go to sleep for winter, they do disappear.  

So while he's missing out on some things (i.e. social interaction) he's getting to do things that most kids don't get to do and see things that most kids don't get to see.  These will hopefully balance out as the years progress.  Right?  Just say yes before I go in the closet and hide with a bottle of wine.

Oh sweet boy, I sure hope we're doing right by you.  

Dye time

I baked them this year instead of boiling.  We'll see how they taste once we finally crack them open.  Oh wait, it's dying time with G, of course one (or two) of them got cracked straightaway.  

He loves dyeing Easter eggs.  He'd do it to every friggin' carton of eggs brought into this house if we'd let him.  In fact he's going to go help dye the eggs for the hunt at the Lodge on Saturday.  He's so excited!

The red one is named Frederica.  Oh yes, he names his eggs.  And then refers to them in casual conversation several times a day every day until Easter.

He named the yellow one Uncle Mongo.  Because it's the brightest one and it's his favorite.

snapped

The snow/cold crap needs to stop now.  I like snow and I like winter and I love where we live even though we have winter for almost six months of the year.  But this year I'm over it.  It's April 3 and we still have almost 4 foot of snow in the yard.  This was a record breaking year for snowfall which is great but at the same time...tiring.  There are only so many ways to entertain a 5 year old boy and physically wear out a heeler puppy when the snowbanks around where we live were easily 8 foot tall.

It's started to melt, thank goodness, but I'm ready for some warmth.  Okay, more than some, I'm ready for a lot of warmth.  Even if it's not good for me to feel the sun on my skin (thank you, SLE) I still want it.  I'll take one for the Vitamin D team.  I've stocked up on sunscreen, I bought a swimsuit, I'm ready for it.  NOW.

Oh this child of mine

This being mom gig is tiring.

School is almost over, we're sitting at 82% or above in all of our subjects so we're quite close to summer vacation.  How's it going you might wonder?  Well every day...EVERY DAMN DAY he still fights me when it's time to do school.  I don't understand it anymore.  The coursework is easy for him, he just doesn't want to do it.  Is it because he's lazy?  Is it because it's too easy?  Is it because he just likes making me mad or seeing me cry in pure frustration?  Why?  Why, for the love of Pete, why does it have to be a battle every day?

And he's bored in general and acts out when that happens.  We need to spend a lot more time outside just being us.  Summer break...where are you???!!!???

Spring IRI & Gunner's introduction to the Mongo River

Part of G's K12 curriculum is that he has to follow the same metrics as public school students.  So twice a year (fall and spring) he has to participate in the Idaho Reading Indicator.  The what you say?  Think that whole, "No child left behind," stuff.  He has to have reading fluence/comprehension, etc. checked to make sure he's not falling behind.

He's not falling behind.  I could have told them that.

It was about a two hour drive to the library for a ten minute test.  Then a two hour drive home (well a lot longer than two hours because we played and took our time on the way home).  The testor (is that right?) said he's the most advanced kindergartener she'd had that day but I saw her list, he was the only kindergartener on there.  She should be a car salesman.

He was hilariously frustrating because he was supposed to be saying the actual letter name.  So she said, "So this is the letter F and you'll say F," (as opposed to the phonic sound F makes).  He started and was like, "This is T.  I know it's a capital T because the line is at the top, not through the middle."  Now mind you this is a timed thing so his dilly-dallying was him just messing with her but also because I couldn't "help."  I don't do stuff for him but one something like this I'd usually sit by him and use my finger to point to each letter to keep him on track.  I went to do that and she said, "No, you need to sit down over there."  Um, wow.  Okay.  But he still wiped the floor with everything.

G said to Gunner as he was getting out of his kennel in the truck, "Let me introduce you to the Mongo River!  I love this place."

Gunner has never seen or been in a river or body of water other than the bathtub so I was excited to see if he was going to be a water doggy or not.  He was pretty trepidatious at first.

Still one of G's favorite pasttimes...throwing rocks into water.

Gunner droppin' the heat at the Mongo River.  What is it with our dogs and their need to poo in the water?

He started to feel more brave!  He liked to play in that area in particular because the sticks didn't float off on him and he could chew on them to his little hearts content.

Sometimes I wonder if those two weren't made for each other.  Except that they rile each other up and have to be disciplined and/or separated several times every day.

See that child's mouth?  Yeah, he's looking down my shirt and wolf whistling.  That's good parenting right there huh?  Thanks for that, E.

How many people get to take selfie's like that?

G was upset that he'd forgotten to pack a swimsuit.  We told him that it was too cold for swimming and that if he got in the water we'd pack his little fanny up and leave.  We busted him down the beach from us a little bit taking his shoes and socks off to wade in.  Oy.

Hahahaha, shake it off little man!  That double coat thing he's got going on makes him a wet sopping mess.

Talk about messes.

Ooh, yummy, sand pie!  I told him I'd take a bite after he took one.

He was working on his retrieval skills.  He started to get quite comfortable in the water but he never went any deeper than his undercarriage.  That's okay, since the snow has started to melt and spring is coming the water is high and moves fast.  I wouldn't have let him go out very far.

Next thing we knew it was like Nascar but on the beach and with a dog.  He ran up and down and up and down and up and down the beach right at the water.  I think he liked it.  At first he did great on his recall but the more fun he was having the less he listened to us to come on back.  I figure once we can get him to come when called even when he's having fun then I might declare him well trained!

Wet pooch!  That double coat thing this breed has is a new experience for me.  He weighed twice what he normally does once he got wet.  And he stayed wet too!

Aren't they so handsome?  I'm a lucky girl.  I love my outdoors man and my nature boy!