And I think to myself...: March 2014

a little bit about what's here

Welcome to my brains dump station. Please don't feel obligated to read it but if you are here it's because you expressed an interest in being here or I just happen to think you're rad and want to include you in our life. Feel free to comment so that I know if anyone is reading! Not that it would stop me from blogging if no one did read, it's just nice to know who is around every once in awhile! I'll try to hit spell check before I post but I make no guarantee's! It's my blog and therefore you will find that I don't censor myself very often, especially when it comes to swear words (I'm working on it). If you don't like what I have to say, feel free to not read. I'm okay with that.

I love being a work from home mom to my one and only child, G. He is a dream that I never thought would come true. It's my goal in my life to raise him to be thoughtful, witty, respectful, gentle, sincere, creative, determined, instinctive, charming, frank, truculent, faithful, reflective, happy, active, bright, ambitious, talented, productive, decisive, kind hearted, friendly, proud, sarcastic, calm, righteous, generous, protective, dynamic, silly, adaptable, brave, honorable, gregarious, funny, fearless, outgoing, magnanimous, confident, cultured, fair and just plain amazing. It's not too tall an order, it's my life's work.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Rest in Peace, Uncle Tom

Some parts of getting older can be a lot of fun. Drinking legally, wisdom that credit cards are evil, voting for the right guy, having children and then spoiling the grandchildren, tenure and retirement, etc...

But one of the things I'm not enjoying about growing older is the fact that the people that I adore and have enjoyed knowing my whole life get older too. And eventually they leave me here without them. That part of growing up is getting really, really crappy.

My Great Uncle Tom has passed away. He was all sorts of sweet, genuine, calm, and such a loving family man. I'm glad he gets to join my Great Aunt Shirley (my Grandpa B's sister) in Heaven after so many years apart. I will miss him tremendously. Prayers and hugs for his children and grandchildren and everyone else who knew and loved him.

This is Uncle Tom hugging me at my wedding ten years ago.

And Uncle Tom with my dad at my wedding. I wonder who was there to greet him at the Pearly Gates? I know his family here on earth is going to miss him like crazy but knowing his heart and body are whole again is a comfort that people who don't believe in God will understand.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

1,826 sleeps

Ah...and there is it, proof that life goes on.

I just realized that I missed the 5th "anniversary" of my dad's death on February 28th. I have thought of him and missed him during so many moments in the 1,828 days he's been gone and yet this time the pain of losing him didn't overwhelm me leading up to or on that particular day this year and it passed me right by like any other normal day.

Is it because I miss him less now and losing him isn't as painful as it once felt? No, I miss him just as much as I missed him that first day he was gone and the realization that I can't pick up the phone and call him to say hi is as gut wrenching as it's ever been.

Is it because we just sent his mother to join him in Heaven and I picture him in bliss with her there and somehow that makes it easier, knowing they're hanging out together up there, watching over the rest of us? Perhaps that helps fill in a bit of my heart that has been broken but it doesn't mend it completely.

Or maybe it is because I have finally learned to live my life with this constant dull ache in my heart that will never leave me but can no longer break me?

Regardless the reason, life goes on without him. I miss you, Dad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3kpy3CpvF0

Here are a few Here are a few "new" pictures that were given to my mom as the process to clean out Granny's house begins.