He's a FIRST GRADER!

Small heart attack to start the school year, that Kindle I told you about...according to UPS tracking it was delivered on Friday.  Too bad it wasn't.  It turned out that the UPS man had given it to the part-time neighbors when they saw each other in town and they brought it over to our house on Saturday.  Phew!  I was worried because when stuff is entrusted to me I take extra diligence to its care and maintenance, you know?  But all is well there and I was able to download over 100 books onto it for G.  As I suspected, he wasn't too excited once he found out it was a Kindle for, "just reading."    

I put this on his bedside table and he thought it was pretty cool.  Since it claims to be magic glitter when he woke up this morning and it hadn't transformed into something he was a little ticked off.  I asked him if he was well rested and ready to start 1st grade and he said he was.  I said, "Then it worked!  That was the magic!"  He looked at me skeptically and said, "You might want to get your money back."  

We got up at 0600 to start school early and to get in a few hours of unrestricted online time since our download allowance has been exceeded for the month so after 0800 our internet becomes "restricted."  Too bad the friggin' school's servers were down until about 0830.  First day of school and their servers can't handle it.  That bodes well for the next nine months, right?  So I drug the poor child outside for some pictures.  He was not impressed.  He did get to wear the new Lego Movie t-shirt I bought him just for his first day.  It'd have been nice if I hadn't gotten it a size or two too big but he didn't care, he wore it anyway.  

Like the new set up?  So far (one day in) I do.  Except I can't see his computer screen from that other side of the table.  Ha.  If I plant myself at the end of the table I can but for some reason from the side I can't.  I even put a second wireless mouse on there so I could control the lessons from back there and give him his space.  He really liked it except Mr. Ants In His Pants was shaking the whole desk with his feet, etc. so I might have to push it all the way in the corner so it's stabilized a little bit better.  That covers an electrical outlet that I kind of need though so I don't know what to do.  

Daddy built a really cool "speeder bike," and so of course the speeder and General Grievous had to come to school too.  I told him they could stay as long as he didn't play with them while he was supposed to be doing his work, etc.  

Friggin' Gunner is a pest.  He kept wanting to lay under G's desk in the most inposing spots.  Then he'd get mad when G's chair would hit him.  He especially liked being within reach of G's shoes.  

This is G attending the welcome back to school assembly.  Don't be fooled, it is as obnoxious and loud and pointless as every friggin' assembly I'd ever gone to in a brick and mortar school.  It was slated for two hours, the only reason we attended it (I'm shocked we even got in with our internet being on restricted status) was to get the information to start the iReady assessments since they have to be completed this week.  And of course they left that for the very end of the assembly.  We sat through an hour of it.  

G's lit lesson today was reading and "exploring" the book Bedtime For Frances.  I started reading it and then asked him to read.  He read the whole book to me.  He tried to balk out of it a few times but I just kept encouraging him to keep going.  As I have suspected most of the summer, his reading skills are much better than he was letting on.  I started to cry because I was amazed at him and so proud.  Of him.  AND me because I taught him how to read!  A year ago I was stressed out that they wanted to do a reading assessment with a kid coming into kindergarten because I knew G couldn't read.  Oh look at how much things have changed in a year!

G has never been one to want to draw or color. He'll do it when I suggest it as an activity but he doesn't gravitate toward it on his own. And he draws what he wants to draw, not what anyone asks him to draw, that's just how he's always been.

This is what happens when I leave G to work independently on something. I came back in the room and he said, "I'm all done." When I asked him why he didn't draw himself in bed he said, "Because...my answer is nothing." I can't exactly argue with him now can I? It's a wonderful drawing of nothing. He's so my child.

All in all, for our first day, it was a great day.  I hope we have many, many more of those!

He's likely feeling unimportant?

Here is a great blog post you should read.  It's lovely.  Truly.  http://www.the36thavenue.com/2012/10/10-things-children-will-always-remember.html

Stupid en suite

If I've learned anything from HGTV it's that completely remodeling a room in 48 hours is a stupid and unrealistic goal AND I am likely the only person on the face of the earth that despises en suite bathrooms with master bedrooms.  I really do.

When I walk into my bedroom I don't want to be assaulted by either A. the smell of someone's recent use of the en suite bathroom or B. the cleaners used to clean bathrooms.  I want to be able to relax and go to sleep, I don't like the idea that there might be microscopic particles coming from the flushing of the toilet and onto my comforter just like they say happens with the toothbrush.

I have a hard enough time falling asleep, let's not let ass gas be my downfall, mm-kay?

Last night I went to bed a few hours after E.  When I walked into the room (he'd closed the door so he didn't have hear my clackety clack clack typing) I was hit by something that smelled worse than the rotted out rear end of a dead rhino...and Lysol.  I gagged.  I went into the bathroom and turned on the light just to make sure that a leprous rabid raccoon hadn't in fact broken into the bathroom, taken a shit on the bath rug, and broken open the Lysol like one of those cans o' biscuits to cover his "tracks."  Nope.

I crawled into bed but before doing so I had to rig up a little fan in my now open window to blow fresh air in my face so I could go to sleep.  I felt like a dog with my head out the car window on the freeway.  And sleep did not come swiftly as the stench did not dissipate for well over an hour.  I plotted a certain someone's death by pillow suffocation while I watched the clock.

When questioned the next morning all I got was a smile and, "I took a Gas-X but it didn't really help huh?  I guess you shouldn't have fed me Chinese last night."

Ass.

I'm not ready for back to school

Here's a cool email I got a few weeks ago.  G will be so disappointed when he realizes that it's just a "plain ol' reader" and not a tablet.  But I still think it's an awesome idea to have a Kindle, even at this early stage in reading.  I have over 100 e-books for G on my Kindle so it'll be nice to dump them off onto his own!  

Your student has been chosen to participate in
K¹²’s Early Start E-Reader Pilot.
Your e-reader is on its way.

Dear Learning Coach/Parent,

We are reaching out to inform you that an Amazon Kindle will be arriving at your home within the next two weeks. A flyer will be packed with the Amazon Kindle and will include information regarding the pilot program and instructions on how to use the device.

This Amazon Kindle is being provided for your student’s use by K¹² to enrich your student’s overall educational experience. Reading is one of the most important skills needed to succeed in school. Students who read 20 minutes a day will read more than 1 million words over the course of a year. These students have a more mature vocabulary, and perform better on standardized tests than those who read 5 minutes or less a day. We hope that using e-reading technology will enhance your student’s online learning experience and encourage a lifelong love of reading.

Sincerely,
K¹²

And this right below me...is MY PREP.  These are the things they want me to do just to be able to teach him the lessons each day.  It could be something as simple as gathering art supplies for a certain project to as advanced as coming up with a game to teach a concept, after reading the instructor's guide on how to teach it to him.  

I knew I was going to have to cut back some on my contractor's work but crap...I might have to just do the minimum to keep my contract active.  I'm skeered!

I'm rearranging the school room to try to make the flow better, since we'll be spending even more time in there.  I'm going to put G's new desk (more desktop for writing, coloring, etc.) in between the two windows so that we can get more sunshine during our dark and dreary winter months.  I'm hoping that it doesn't serve as a means for more distraction.  That is not something he needs help with.  And since I bought myself a Cameo I need more room for crafting anyway.  It should work out better for both of us, especially if I ever get him to the point where he can work somewhat independently while I'm in the room crafting!

I made this cute little thing for him, though I'm not exactly expecting him to appreciate the effort.  

I'm trying to build myself up.  He could care less but I really want to do a good job with him this year and teach instead of just try to keep up.  Or at the very least just make it better than last year.  Especially since our classroom time "requirement" last year was 2.5-3 hours a day...and this year it's 6...hours...a day.

So I saw on G's agenda before school even starts that he has SIX Scantron assessments. It's online testing to see where to "place" him, they're the kind of tests that adjust as the student answers questions, I have heard that just one of them can take up to four hours (so they basically get punished by having to keep going when they get stuff right).
HE'S IN THE FIRST GRADE!
Why does he need placement testing and/or assessments?

HOW ABOUT YOU PLACE HIM IN THE FIRST GRADE!

Well I emailed his teacher and basically told her we're not doing them. I said if there was a basic skills test (math, phonics, etc.) we'd do that but I'm not putting him through that at six years old before school even starts. So she came back and said he doesn't have to do all of them, just the iReady testing...which will be two of the same kind of tests. Again I say...
HE'S IN THE FIRST GRADE!
Why does he need placement testing and/or assessments?

It's just me stressing out before we even try it but geeze.  I understand that testing helps them to identify the students that are behind and that IDVA teachers are kind of at a disadvantage in this realm because they don't actually work with and see the students daily so they use this.  And that it's another tool to ask for and justify funding.  AND that it helps prepare them for standardized testing.  But hell...

Deep breath, girl, you can do this.  HE can do this.  

You can't break me, Enbrel!

Dear Enbrel,

You're an asshole and I hate you.
Every Sunday you ruin my life for about 15 seconds.
Well and then there's the hours of dread leading up to you every Sunday.

Because of you my husband feels like a jerk.  Since I can't poke myself he has to be the pain administrator.  And now with your new Sure-Clik pen bullshit into my thigh muscle he doesn't just give me pain but he has to figure out how to physically restrain me lest I try to bolt.  Because it hurts that much as you're pumping into my body.  Last week he was ready to have me committed because I would tell him, "Okay, I'm ready, do it," and then when he'd come at me with that pen I'd roll across the bed or just plain get up and run.  He had to sit on me and put his butt in my face to hold me down.

And I cried.  

And I tried not to hyperventilate.
They were big tears of pain.
And my 6 year old laughed at me.
Because he has no compassion and therefore I am becoming more and more convinced that he might just be a psychopath in training (thanks a lot for that, Criminal Minds).  Or maybe it was the sight of his father sitting on his mother and the possibility that a fart could be launched at any point that had him in stitches.

Regardless.

Today it burned just as bad as it has this whole time but I was able to hold back the tears.  God only knows how I did, but I did.   

Why do you hurt so much?
Is it because you know you're my last chance at NOT having to move to monthly infusions?  I don't have the time nor the inclination to be hooked up to an IV at any point this year, much less every dang 30 days.

So you can kiss my lily white backside, Enbrel, because I won't let you break me.  I'll just ignore the bruises you leave behind as some kind of twisted reminder that you'll be back for more in seven days.  One of these days I'll either give you up and start infusions or I'll just learn to ignore your pain.

Hatefully yours,
C

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home.

E and I have been married 11 years today.  ELEVEN YEARS.  I've been Mrs. H for 11 years?  Dang.  This marriage gig is HARD WORK.  It's harder than parenting G, and that's saying something.  In fact the only thing, for me, that's harder than being married is parenting with E.    

I'm independent, he's not.  He's handy, I create disasters he has to fix.  He's outgoing, I'm standoffish.  Yet I can speak to an audience and he cannot.  I love to read for pleasure, he only likes to look at the pictures.  He's a morning person, I'm a night owl.  He's a rational thinker, I'm a critical thinker.  He likes "stuff" and I like experiences.  He'll always pick pancakes and sausage and I'll always pick waffles and bacon.  I like to listen to my music so loud that I can feel it in my bones, he's forever turning down the volume.  I'm proactive, he's reactive.  He's content, I'm restless.  He was born in the 50's, I was born in the 70's.  He graduated high school and had done his 4 years in the service before I was even born.  And yet we're both conservative, we're both family oriented, we're both responsible and reliable, we both have a dry sense of humor, neither of us can function without coffee, we're both cynical, we're both quick thinkers, neither of us is afraid of confrontation, we both like displays of affection (he's more public, I'm more private), we are both caretakers by nature, and neither of us apologizes for who/what we are.   

He'd lost his favorite Kershaw on a call the other night so I'd ordered him a new one.  I was going to take it into town and have it engraved but I just ran out of time.  Good thing too because when he opened it he said, "Oh.  Will I hurt your feelings if I tell you this isn't the right one?"  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell maybe a little but let's get you the right one then!    

I let him off easy this year and bought myself the Silhouette Cameo that I'd been saving up for anyway, as it just happened to be $70 off one day and I knew I wouldn't be seeing that price again.  He had planned to make me a nice dinner but, well, work got in the way of that plan.  I made a huckleberry rhubarb cobbler for dessert and told him he could either have taco leftovers for dinner (seriously one of my favorite things and we'd had tacos last night) or he could take me to the lodge.  I was kind of hoping he'd just say, "Forget about dinner, let's just eat that piping hot cobbler with some ice cream!"  He opted for the lodge.  

They bought our drinks (red wine for me, Bud Light for him) when E mentioned it was our anniversary and I had a pasta dish...he had chicken strips.  This should be a glimpse into us.  I got some horrible gastrointestinal distress and he ended up eating the majority of G's dinner too.  We came home and the cobbler went untouched for the night because he was stuffed and I couldn't eat anything else.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/winifred-m-reilly/10-marriage-vows-you-coul_b_4983331.html
1. I promise to notice and acknowledge the positive things that you do, rather than get hung up on the negatives.

2. I promise to accept that we are different -- that we will see the world differently and over the course of our marriage we will want different things. Though I don't expect this to be easy, I will strive to be open-minded and loving about the way that you see things. Failing that, I will do my best to be tolerant.

3. I promise to do more than my fair share when necessary and to not grouse about it. Keeping score is about fear and stinginess, not about love.

4. I promise to release my end of the rope when we're in a tug of war, knowing that there's a cost to my winning when it means that you lose.

5. I promise to not ask you to change in ways that I'm unwilling to change.

6. I promise to not take your annoying behaviors personally, even though I really, really wish you would wash out the sponge.

7. I promise to keep in mind that your basic intention is to be a loving and decent husband, even when you're not doing so.

8. I promise to drop my expectations of your becoming the man I want you to be as opposed to the man you are.

9. I promise to focus a lot more on my shortcomings and a lot less on yours.

10. I promise to forgive both of us for having not known from the start how to be the kind and generous partners we've finally become.

Ours is not a marriage based on normality by any means.  Nothing about us as individuals is "normal" so why would our coupling be?  Sometimes I really, really don't like him.  And sometimes he really, really doesn't like me.  Do you know how I know?  Because we can communicate that to each other.  We don't fight much because we see no reason to fight.  We say, "Sorry," and begrudgingly, "I was wrong," and sometimes it's just a matter of getting through the day.  But I love him.  Not with that sweet, stupid love of 11 years ago, but with a love honed by a life lived together.  Ours is an admittedly imperfect relationship built on friendship and love.  We do all right.

http://youtu.be/ruyaKdPfTN4

You know I'd fall apart without you

I don't know how you do what you do

'Cause everything that don't make sense about me

Makes sense when I'm with you

Like everything that's green, girl I need you

But it's more than one and one makes two

Put aside the math and the logic of it

You gotta know you want it too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up

Wanna kiss your lips

I wanna make you feel wanted

And I wanna call you mine

Wanna hold you hand forever

Never let you forget it

Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty

(Yeah)

You get that all the time, I know you do

But your beauty's deeper than the makeup

And I wanna show you what I see tonight

When I wrap you up

When I kiss your lips

I wanna make you feel wanted

And I wanna call you mine

Wanna hold you hand forever

Never let you forget it

'Cause baby I wanna make you feel wanted

As good as you make me feel

I wanna make you feel better

Better than your fairy tales

Better than your best dreams

You're more than everything I need

You're all I ever wanted

All I ever wanted

And I just wanna wrap you up

Wanna kiss your lips

I wanna make you feel wanted

And I wanna call you mine

Wanna hold you hand forever

Never let you forget it

Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted

Yeah, baby I wanna make you feel -

Wanted

'Cause you'll always be wanted

He was The Funny One

Oh, Robin.

No.

Couldn't the love of those you called friends and family along with the adoration of a legion of fans bolstered your tortured soul?  I'm sorry you couldn't see the greatness we all saw.

And hearkening back on this post from April where a former co-worker killed himself, "Suicide was not a choice he made, but rather a choice he happened onto when his pain was greater than his ability to cope.”

I have learned this year that even those that make me laugh loudly, the ones that make me laugh until my sides hurt, the ones that make me laugh every time they speak...those people still carry some kind of pain around with them.  It's a pain they know that we might not understand but it's still pain.  The loss of Robin Williams and Sean, both men with what can easily be described as a magnanimous sense of humor had demons that they carried within themselves.  These are men who laughed and made other people laugh...and yet this unspeakable hell drove them to kill themselves.

It makes me almost feel normal to learn that even the funniest people hurt on level deep enough that they don't want to go on living.  

52" or taller!

We went to the fair!  It was G's second time to the fair (the first was when he was two) but the first time he could remember.  He loved it.  LOVED it.  The fair is a lot of fun when you're his age.  Not as much fun when you're my age.  It felt like it was about 120 degrees and there was never any shade.  I left with a giant headache, a ridiculous sunburn (even on my lily white legs) and a case of dehydration to rival all others.  But my boy was happy.  VERY happy.  He loved the rides (he's tall enough for almost all of them now!) and he loved the animals and the Lego exhibit.  I couldn't believe the rides he wanted to do, he's so brave!  He tried to talk me into the Zipper but I said no way on that one...mostly because I'd hit my head really hard and was worried about puking from a concussion so I thought I'd better not rattle my cranium anymore than I already had.  

Ride bracelets were $25 each...so $75 for our family of three?  E said, "I'm getting you two bracelets, there's only two rides I want to go on."  So he got himself enough tickets for those two rides and I was "stuck" doing all the other rides that G wanted to do.  Lucky me.

I talked him into the Yo-Yo right away.  You know that one, with the swing chairs that fly out?  That was his first "grown up" ride.  I knew he was hooked when I heard him yelling, "This is AWESOME!"    

This ride was called Star Trooper so of course we had to go on it!  He did great for about the first minute and then he said, "Uh mom, I fink I might be sick on this one."  I had him look at his lap and then once the ride started going backwards he was fine again.  

This stupid ferris wheel (okay it's not stupid, I am) is where I stood too upright and smacked my head on that bar inside the little dome there.  I seriously saw stars or flashes of light in my vision.  I told him we had to take a break after we got off that ride.  I needed out of the sun and out of the midway where all those people are packed in so tight.  And while I'm on that topic why can't there be a vendor selling deodorant at the fair?  Because I would have purchased the dang stuff for plenty of stinky people.  

We saw some exotic animals, we watched a few of the dogs at Dock Dogs (i.e. the ones that run and jump into the water retrieving), we checked out what kind of fair we had to pick from.  Then after eating and getting some water to drink we went back at it.  To the Berry-Go-Round.  We got in this ride and G said, "Oh, we should have eaten our lunch in here, there's a table and everything."  Uh, no, son, that's the wheel.  Hold on.  He thought I was magic the way I could get that thing spinning.

Murdoch's sponsored a kids tractor pull event at the fair. Once G found out he could earn a ribbon he had to participate. He did so great but he didn't make it to the finals. He might have made it but two things happened. First of all he was racing with a 10 year old (not racing against him but racing at the same time) and when the 10 year old stopped (because he couldn't pedal anymore) G stopped. And right at that moment a woman overheated and fell out of the bleachers and the sunglasses flying off her head almost took G out. He didn't care that he didn't get to go into the next round, he thought it was so much fun to race like that (he had 75 pounds of weights in his trailer and as they pedal the weight bucket moves closer and closer to the kid, making it seem heavier) and have people cheering for him. He got his ribbon so he thought the whole thing was a success!

G loves him some critters so once we found the petting zoo he walked right in there happily and probably would have stayed there half the day if there had been more animals.  

The Spider was one of the two rides that E wanted to do.  I was happy to stand on the sidelines!

Super Slide, need I say more?  The first run he beat me (because he went on "SET" instead of "GO.") but the second one I beat him.  We called it a truce instead of going for a tie breaker.  Mostly because that plastic slide was too hot for our bums to touch!

The only roller coaster.  I hated that damn thing.  First of all it's made for kids, not chubbers like me.  I had to sit with my knees to the side and then I picked the wrong side of the car.  Every stupid corner it came around I got whipped.  It wouldn't have been so bad but it kept throwing me against the side of the car and I would pick my arm fat between my body and the metal.  OUCH!  E took lots of pictures of us on the roller coaster...not because it was the one ride G had talked about having to do before we even got to the fair but because he said my face was comical.  Pain is funny?  That's good to know.  G didn't like it much so he didn't insist on doing it again.  Thank goodness.

He told us, "I fink I better do one of those baby rides."  Go for it, man, mommy is always up for NOT having to ride a ride.  Ha!  He was being a goof because, well, it was boring.  

Oh, the Tilt-A-Whirl.  I'm gooooooooooood at that one.  G didn't like it at first, hollering at me, "Make it stop, mommy!"  But as soon as the ride was over he said, "AGAIN!"  Uh, okay bud.  The second time he leaned into the spins and laughed and screamed.  Success!

We were all three going to go on the ferris wheel together but the ride operator was a dick.  He said only two could go and so I sent the boys, telling them I would be in the car in front of them.  Nope, the guy didn't do anymore stops and so G & E went around and around and around...etc.  When it was time for their turn to be over I was going to just switch with E and ride it again with G.  Nope, the ride operator let everyone off in strange intervals and they ended up on that dang thing for almost 30 minutes.  I gave up on getting a turn on that one because I was more worried that I was going to punch that operator right in his vagina if I got close enough.

This was truly about their 12th rotation.  They were so hot and miserable :(

Finally they were released from that one so we hit the carousel.  What you can't see is that G insisted we hold hands and pretend we were on a date.  Ha!

And one last ride, the original ferris wheel that tried to give me brain damage.  G said daddy had to sit with him.

He came over to my side just to take a picture with them, then he ditched me again.

He loved getting to be up above and watch the people below.  And see all over the city, pointing out places we've been and stores we shop at.  

Overall, a big success.  G had a few snotty melt downs but overall, he was great.  We knew it was time to call it a day when he started to sit down on the ground while in line for rides or ask for piggy back rides.  In 100 degree weather?  No way Jose!  After 8 hours there we went grocery shopping and then went home.  It was a long and exhausting and awesome day.